After graduating from the University of Maryland in 2013 (long story, both in the living and in the telling), I entered the "respectable working world," so to speak, and began my first Real Job.

At this Real Job, mostly I put paper from one box into another box; in this sense, I was eminently suited for the work, having spent the preceding 15 years moving paper, in the form of books, from box to box. Some call this "bookselling," but I think that is a gross mystification.

In January of 2015, at this same Real Job, I was asked to perform an Employee Self-Review before having my performance reviewed by someone other than my Self.

Just now I remembered that before being offered the job, one of the tests of my competency and suitability for the employment in question was to look at a box with, say, 15 file-folders in it, all out of order, and to arrange them alphabetically by name.

When the time arrived for me to undergo this trial of my mettle, my proctors, shall we call them, started a stopwatch and began to chat with each other, paying me no mind.

They were rather astonished that, within 30 seconds, I had (correctly) arranged the files.

In this world, one never lacks for wonders.

But hey, lookit a couple questions I was asked, and lookit what I said.

2. What do you consider to be your most important job accomplishments during this review period? You may also include any special projects or assignments outside of your normal job functions.

This being a job characterized by a rather fixed daily routine of simple, repetitive tasks and motions, the term "accomplishment" in its usual sense is scarcely applicable.

3. What aspects of your job would you like to perform better, and how could your supervisor help you?

I don't know how anyone would perform this work better than I do.

4. Please describe any additional skills, abilities or education that you acquired during this review period and that you feel are important to your job performance and future development.

The skills, abilities, and education I have acquired outside of work, both during and prior to this review period, are, unfortunately, not directly applicable to this job, while, in a broad sense, all skills and abilities I acquire are important for my future development and, in the proper perspective, can be taken as "education."

Suffice it to say that the reviewer was less amused by this review than its writer was, and I didn't stay there much longer.

05 April 2022